The Language Of Love As The Greatest Deception In Bilingual Relationships
“We speak the language of love!” – do you recognize someone in a bilingual relationship who has said that? Or maybe it is yourself who used to mention that to your friends? As a person who has a particular interest in relationships where two partners speak different languages, I have heard this phrase too many times. And as a person who is myself in a bilingual marriage, I consider it one of the most dangerous deceptions.
To communicate on a so-called ‘language of love’ is great for the first few months of your romance, where you can relax and let your bodies and feelings talk, but it is not good enough for an established long-term relationship or marriage. I knew a Russian girl who married an Egyptian guy. Her English was so-so and his Russian was so-so. Their dating was great, very romantic and unforgettably courteous. However, with time a “so-so” knowledge of language turned out not to be enough when serious issues arose.
She once told me: “We don’t fight. I simply leave for a few days.” What about a good old adult conversation? Well, when you have a limited vocabulary of your partner’s language, you can hardly sit and address all of the important points in the occurred predicament. When you solely rely on the body language and those limited sweet nothings, it become very hard to discuss faithfulness, loyalty, child upbringing, relationships with in-laws and many other significant for a stable relationship matters. Therefore, the understanding of who both of you really are can be distorted. The result of it maybe not only be a break up of your relationship but worse is to realize after several years of marriage that the person you are with is not what you thought he/she was.
My ultimate tip would be: Don’t ever stop learning your partner’s language. Read a lot of books, watch movies and practice using new words. When your partner and you are speaking about something, and you do not understand a word or a phrase, ask for clarification. That will show them that you deeply care and you want to understand their perspective on things better.